Mother's Day

Ah, I can't write this post yet. I'm feeling better but trying to talk about the accident still makes me kind of emotional. I think I'm just starting to feel grounded after it all so it's probably a good idea not to tip the scale too much.

Let's just say I never thought there'd be a moment where I ever thought I would ever question wanting this child inside of me, but driving to the scene, not knowing whether DSD was alive or dead, just being told she had been badly hit by a car before I headed to the scene, for the second I allowed myself to think the worst, I couldn't even conceive of how you could reconcile having a new child while just losing one. And I know it didn't turn out that way and we're so thankful she's fine, but the whole thing has really shaken me up in ways that are hard to explain. It's taken over a week for things to feel real to me again. I felt like everything flashed before my eyes and that at any moment anyone I love, DD's, DH.... everything could change. And it can anytime, a reality we all know can come true and I am usually more grounded than this but it's put me on the sideline of my own life and I feel like I've just been watching everything from afar like there's something I'm failing to notice as to why this happened, and even more shockingly how the hell she even walked away from this after seeing what the car looked like. A trauma and a miracle all in one confusing package. And maybe I look for too much meaning out of life and should believe that some things are truly random, and even if not, that the message may not have been meant for me but this has me feeling like there's something bigger here than just being thankful she's OK. Or maybe I just truly am a hormonal pregnant woman :P I'm normally much more grounded than this. She is after all, fine.

Either way it goes down as the most amazing mother's day I will ever have. Dh was sorry he didn't have a gift after our hell weekend and I told him I already got my gift. One DD was OK and one DD is on the way. How does anything in wrapping paper compare to that?