Sickness
11 years ago
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Canada Day
Grandma bought this outfit for you and seeing how Canada Day was the first day we woke up with you home, it definitely was a day to celebrate! (picture to come)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
My Birth Story
I was admitted to the hospital after my water broke but all the cramping I had had on the drive there had gone and I certainly was NOT in labor. My OB was not on call that day so I had Dr. Sam Olupona, a jolly Jamacan man that didn't seem to jolly about any hope of my going into labor on my own and said he'd induce me in the morning and to get some rest. Yah right. I was having quite the cramping again by the evening and didn't realize until lights out that I got paired in a room with the worst snorer alive. I literally wanted to cry wondering how I'd get through labor if I couldn't get any sleep that night.
I put my ipod on, well actually my mother's cause I didn't have a labor bag packed remember... wondering what God awful music I would have to choose from. I can't sleep with music on either but that sound would be better than the wailing on the other side of the curtain. I found some instrumental song and put it on repeat hoping to bore myself to sleep.
I really didn't even want to get my hopes up that any of the cramping was labor but at around 3am I think, I realized that I was getting "cramps" once per song and could no longer deny there was some kind of pattern to it. I looked on the ipod to see how long the song was and it was only 2 minutes long. Holy crap I'm in labor! Greg went to get the nurse. I was 4cm when she checked me and they wheeled me down to the labor room. Well not the labor room, but the surgical room because of the risks for Addie and me.
Things progressed pretty quickly and my contractions were pretty intense but manageable with breathing. I felt like I would be delivering soon but I didn't know for sure. My blood pressure was really high and was starting to feel upset that the OB was not there yet. I kept asking about the epidural in regards to if I need I C-section if my BP gets too high or the baby goes into distress feeling like I was starting to get in pretty bad shape and not knowing how much longer I'd be in labor for. They were already moving me a lot because the baby wasn't getting enough oxygen if I stayed on one side too long. The nurses said they couldn't tell me what to do. What ?!?!
Not done.... trying lol....
I put my ipod on, well actually my mother's cause I didn't have a labor bag packed remember... wondering what God awful music I would have to choose from. I can't sleep with music on either but that sound would be better than the wailing on the other side of the curtain. I found some instrumental song and put it on repeat hoping to bore myself to sleep.
I really didn't even want to get my hopes up that any of the cramping was labor but at around 3am I think, I realized that I was getting "cramps" once per song and could no longer deny there was some kind of pattern to it. I looked on the ipod to see how long the song was and it was only 2 minutes long. Holy crap I'm in labor! Greg went to get the nurse. I was 4cm when she checked me and they wheeled me down to the labor room. Well not the labor room, but the surgical room because of the risks for Addie and me.
Things progressed pretty quickly and my contractions were pretty intense but manageable with breathing. I felt like I would be delivering soon but I didn't know for sure. My blood pressure was really high and was starting to feel upset that the OB was not there yet. I kept asking about the epidural in regards to if I need I C-section if my BP gets too high or the baby goes into distress feeling like I was starting to get in pretty bad shape and not knowing how much longer I'd be in labor for. They were already moving me a lot because the baby wasn't getting enough oxygen if I stayed on one side too long. The nurses said they couldn't tell me what to do. What ?!?!
Not done.... trying lol....
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Never Ignore a Cramp
I spent Tuesday on my back like a good girl, alternating between feeling incredibly sad and wondering why I listened to anyone's advice not to buy anything till after my baby shower, how it's my first child and I'd never go early and I have "ALL THIS TIME" that suddenly escaped me. I wanted to pack a hospital bag at least but thought I should spend at least one day truly doing nothing after a scare like that and thought I'd pack my bag Wednesday.
Well that Tuesday night I woke up at 4am, technically Wednesday morning, with a period like cramp that I though *maybe* might just be digestive, not really wanting to have to wake Greg up, scare him and have to go back to the hospital AGAIN after being there Saturday and Monday already. I fell back asleep.
I woke up Wednesday morning and the cramp was kind of there but dissipated so I didn't really think much about it after that knowing I had an OB appt Thursday. My aunt was coming over on her day off to hang out with me by the pool. In the back of mind I was still thinking about how I needed to pack that hospital bag but instead put my bathing suit on to go join my aunt outside when the cramp came back. I don't know exactly what it was that I was feeling but it made me want to go to the bathroom to check things out, whatever that means lol.... but I guess I wanted to make sure I wasn't spotting or anything, when all of a sudden my water broke. It was just like in the movies... where you are mid motion and stop dead in your tracks when it feel like Niagra Falls in your pants. It was so insane that there was no mistaking it.
I called Greg to let him know my water broke. His response was priceless.... "whhh...whaatt !?!?". Neither of us were expecting it. I knew I'd be induced within days or weeks but never even thought I might go into labor on my own. He was at the office and much closer to the hospital so he just met us there. He told me later how worried he was driving and then waiting there for me to arrive not knowing what issues might arise with my pre-eclampsia. I surprisingly was very calm and not afraid at all, more excited than anything else really.
My poor aunt, being the one that had to take me to the hospital Monday after Jasmine and my BP going insane, is having to take me to the hospital AGAIN. It was too funny cause she was freaking out. Mary Lou, my favorite luxury.... my cleaning lady was laughing about it later. My aunt was running around the house saying "I don't know nothing about birthing no baby". I guess cause it's a 45min drive to the hospital the worst case scenario flashed in front of her eyes. I was running around too trying to pack something for the hospital but was too fried to do more than shove a towel between my legs, change into something dry and head out of the door realizing that I really didn't give a flying F what the hell I had with me. All the hours thinking about what I'd want with me in labor suddenly didn't matter.
On route to the hospital is a lot of construction and we hit a road block that was down to one lane with a lady holding a stop sign. We pulled up to lady and I rolled down the window and told her I was in labor with a premature baby and her face dropped and she got right on the walkie talkie to hold the cars at the other end. They stopped traffic to get me through asap... another one straight out of the movies lol.... but there was no road side birth thank God.
Well that Tuesday night I woke up at 4am, technically Wednesday morning, with a period like cramp that I though *maybe* might just be digestive, not really wanting to have to wake Greg up, scare him and have to go back to the hospital AGAIN after being there Saturday and Monday already. I fell back asleep.
I woke up Wednesday morning and the cramp was kind of there but dissipated so I didn't really think much about it after that knowing I had an OB appt Thursday. My aunt was coming over on her day off to hang out with me by the pool. In the back of mind I was still thinking about how I needed to pack that hospital bag but instead put my bathing suit on to go join my aunt outside when the cramp came back. I don't know exactly what it was that I was feeling but it made me want to go to the bathroom to check things out, whatever that means lol.... but I guess I wanted to make sure I wasn't spotting or anything, when all of a sudden my water broke. It was just like in the movies... where you are mid motion and stop dead in your tracks when it feel like Niagra Falls in your pants. It was so insane that there was no mistaking it.
I called Greg to let him know my water broke. His response was priceless.... "whhh...whaatt !?!?". Neither of us were expecting it. I knew I'd be induced within days or weeks but never even thought I might go into labor on my own. He was at the office and much closer to the hospital so he just met us there. He told me later how worried he was driving and then waiting there for me to arrive not knowing what issues might arise with my pre-eclampsia. I surprisingly was very calm and not afraid at all, more excited than anything else really.
My poor aunt, being the one that had to take me to the hospital Monday after Jasmine and my BP going insane, is having to take me to the hospital AGAIN. It was too funny cause she was freaking out. Mary Lou, my favorite luxury.... my cleaning lady was laughing about it later. My aunt was running around the house saying "I don't know nothing about birthing no baby". I guess cause it's a 45min drive to the hospital the worst case scenario flashed in front of her eyes. I was running around too trying to pack something for the hospital but was too fried to do more than shove a towel between my legs, change into something dry and head out of the door realizing that I really didn't give a flying F what the hell I had with me. All the hours thinking about what I'd want with me in labor suddenly didn't matter.
On route to the hospital is a lot of construction and we hit a road block that was down to one lane with a lady holding a stop sign. We pulled up to lady and I rolled down the window and told her I was in labor with a premature baby and her face dropped and she got right on the walkie talkie to hold the cars at the other end. They stopped traffic to get me through asap... another one straight out of the movies lol.... but there was no road side birth thank God.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thought it just going to be a routine vet appt
I took Jasmine to the vet Monday June 14 for a checkup. I wasn't expecting great news.... she was 15 and starting to go downhill but I never thought I'd be making the decision I had to then. It's just too sad to talk about even now. I still have to pick her ashes up from the vets but I don't have it in me yet to have to bury her in the backyard.
I ended up in the hospital right after. I thought I handled it alright but by the time I got home my BP was 175/110 something and I couldn't focus my eyes. It normalized after awhile at the hospital w/o treatment, or went back to my awful 154/95 BP and I was put on strict bedrest.
I'll write the whole story another time... it just makes me too sad.
I ended up in the hospital right after. I thought I handled it alright but by the time I got home my BP was 175/110 something and I couldn't focus my eyes. It normalized after awhile at the hospital w/o treatment, or went back to my awful 154/95 BP and I was put on strict bedrest.
I'll write the whole story another time... it just makes me too sad.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
My Blood Pressure is What?!?!?
At my OB appt Wed. June 10, I was 34.5 weeks when my BP was in the 150/90's and was sent for a Non-stress test (NST) that Sat. June 13.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Forum STILL down ?!??!
OK.... what gives with Ovusoft? It's one thing if I don't make it there often lately but completely another that I CAN'T go there. That's a ridiculous amount of time for an outage. Yah sure all the journals are safe as you take 3 weeks to try to recover them. Hallelujah for blogspot!
I started painting the nursery yesterday. What a thrill!! I mean it. What a thrill! I hated the wall color in that room to begin with and now it's getting me all excited for the changes coming ahead. I got myself some no VOC paint and the color is perfect.... a rich antique looking cream. I know I'm a little crazy waiting till I'm 33.5w pregnant to start but hey. I'll have no problem occupying myself now for the next 6w. I will admit now I wish I started it sooner and just hope I don't really regret not resting more before the baby comes.But I tend to be more productive and decisive in a time crunch. This way I won't take 10w and 5 trips to Toronto to decide on drapes, I'll just go get some. I probably wouldn't have been done the nursery till 38w weeks whether I started it now or 3 months ago anyway lol....
We're finally getting some nice weather again so I turned on the pool heater today. Yeah! And my stroller is being shipped to me as we speak. I bought the Bugaboo Frog in the sand color. It was a lot of money but I think it's worth it because I will use the bassinet as a co-sleeper which would have cost me another $200 to buy separately.... part of the logic I dumped on my husband to justify the price. I think the poor guy realizes he should just say yes and end the hours of conversation that will ensue in my crazy justification of these high end baby items. That's how I think I got the Bloom High Chair. He didn't even want to talk about it and said to just buy it. Now the logic on that one is that we eat at our kitchen island all the time and it's one of the only high chairs that can be raised to counter height AND you can use it till the kid is 3-4 years old as a booster seat but I'm not even sure if I got to finish my sentence before he just said to buy it. Poor guy. I'm really not a high maintenance bitch ALL the time. It's just if I have to look at some stupid high chair for the next couple years in our main living area, it needs to be nice and our child will want to be able to sit up as high as the rest of us. Sadly though, even I can't justify that Pottery Barn crib. There's just no logic behind a $1500 crib with no mattress. Sigh.
I started painting the nursery yesterday. What a thrill!! I mean it. What a thrill! I hated the wall color in that room to begin with and now it's getting me all excited for the changes coming ahead. I got myself some no VOC paint and the color is perfect.... a rich antique looking cream. I know I'm a little crazy waiting till I'm 33.5w pregnant to start but hey. I'll have no problem occupying myself now for the next 6w. I will admit now I wish I started it sooner and just hope I don't really regret not resting more before the baby comes.But I tend to be more productive and decisive in a time crunch. This way I won't take 10w and 5 trips to Toronto to decide on drapes, I'll just go get some. I probably wouldn't have been done the nursery till 38w weeks whether I started it now or 3 months ago anyway lol....
We're finally getting some nice weather again so I turned on the pool heater today. Yeah! And my stroller is being shipped to me as we speak. I bought the Bugaboo Frog in the sand color. It was a lot of money but I think it's worth it because I will use the bassinet as a co-sleeper which would have cost me another $200 to buy separately.... part of the logic I dumped on my husband to justify the price. I think the poor guy realizes he should just say yes and end the hours of conversation that will ensue in my crazy justification of these high end baby items. That's how I think I got the Bloom High Chair. He didn't even want to talk about it and said to just buy it. Now the logic on that one is that we eat at our kitchen island all the time and it's one of the only high chairs that can be raised to counter height AND you can use it till the kid is 3-4 years old as a booster seat but I'm not even sure if I got to finish my sentence before he just said to buy it. Poor guy. I'm really not a high maintenance bitch ALL the time. It's just if I have to look at some stupid high chair for the next couple years in our main living area, it needs to be nice and our child will want to be able to sit up as high as the rest of us. Sadly though, even I can't justify that Pottery Barn crib. There's just no logic behind a $1500 crib with no mattress. Sigh.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I dropped the Pottery Barn Catalogue in the Toilet
I dropped the Pottery Barn Catalogue in the toilet by accident this morning. Is that a sign? I'm still laughing. I was starting to re-evaluate whether I should just buy that crib I love so much since it does make a gorgeous head board after. Crib shopping has been the thorn in my ass because I either find them all cheap, not attractive enough for the money they want or so gorgeous but insanely expensive.
I was also looking at used cribs online and was going to view some of them in Toronto but my truck wouldn't start yesterday. I had to have it towed to the shop and am waiting to find out what's wrong with it. Another sign? at least not to get the cherry one in King City that I would have gone to see last night.
I'm going to drive myself nuts before this baby comes. I'm afraid of new cribs that might be have future recalls or horrible glues, paints and fiber board off-gassing in the room and I'm afraid of the used ones and buying a crib that isn't up to today's safety standards. Is this kid supposed to be driving me insane with worry already? It's just a crib for Christ's sake but I feel like I'm buying a death trap for all the horror stories out there about crib deaths. I mind as well just forget the nursery and buy my husband a new bed for his new room cause the baby will be sleeping with me.
I better go order myself another PB catalogue online before I'm tempted to view my old one when it dries lol..... The stuff is just too cute in there. I was only walking past the toilet so my obsession with that PB crib is not AS bad as you might think.
And yes, I need to get some photos on here! People tell me how great I look for being so far along so I'll be curious to see the comparison from 28w. That feels wonderful to hear and makes being pregnant that much better.... I look how good? lol.... And you realize how ridiculous you've been for 20 years always trying to suck your stomach in around people when for the first time in my life I can just let it all hang loose with the baby belly. It's been wonderful!
Update:
You can't order a Pottery Barn catalogue online in Canada. Hmmmm.
I was also looking at used cribs online and was going to view some of them in Toronto but my truck wouldn't start yesterday. I had to have it towed to the shop and am waiting to find out what's wrong with it. Another sign? at least not to get the cherry one in King City that I would have gone to see last night.
I'm going to drive myself nuts before this baby comes. I'm afraid of new cribs that might be have future recalls or horrible glues, paints and fiber board off-gassing in the room and I'm afraid of the used ones and buying a crib that isn't up to today's safety standards. Is this kid supposed to be driving me insane with worry already? It's just a crib for Christ's sake but I feel like I'm buying a death trap for all the horror stories out there about crib deaths. I mind as well just forget the nursery and buy my husband a new bed for his new room cause the baby will be sleeping with me.
I better go order myself another PB catalogue online before I'm tempted to view my old one when it dries lol..... The stuff is just too cute in there. I was only walking past the toilet so my obsession with that PB crib is not AS bad as you might think.
And yes, I need to get some photos on here! People tell me how great I look for being so far along so I'll be curious to see the comparison from 28w. That feels wonderful to hear and makes being pregnant that much better.... I look how good? lol.... And you realize how ridiculous you've been for 20 years always trying to suck your stomach in around people when for the first time in my life I can just let it all hang loose with the baby belly. It's been wonderful!
Update:
You can't order a Pottery Barn catalogue online in Canada. Hmmmm.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Mother's Day
Ah, I can't write this post yet. I'm feeling better but trying to talk about the accident still makes me kind of emotional. I think I'm just starting to feel grounded after it all so it's probably a good idea not to tip the scale too much.
Let's just say I never thought there'd be a moment where I ever thought I would ever question wanting this child inside of me, but driving to the scene, not knowing whether DSD was alive or dead, just being told she had been badly hit by a car before I headed to the scene, for the second I allowed myself to think the worst, I couldn't even conceive of how you could reconcile having a new child while just losing one. And I know it didn't turn out that way and we're so thankful she's fine, but the whole thing has really shaken me up in ways that are hard to explain. It's taken over a week for things to feel real to me again. I felt like everything flashed before my eyes and that at any moment anyone I love, DD's, DH.... everything could change. And it can anytime, a reality we all know can come true and I am usually more grounded than this but it's put me on the sideline of my own life and I feel like I've just been watching everything from afar like there's something I'm failing to notice as to why this happened, and even more shockingly how the hell she even walked away from this after seeing what the car looked like. A trauma and a miracle all in one confusing package. And maybe I look for too much meaning out of life and should believe that some things are truly random, and even if not, that the message may not have been meant for me but this has me feeling like there's something bigger here than just being thankful she's OK. Or maybe I just truly am a hormonal pregnant woman :P I'm normally much more grounded than this. She is after all, fine.
Either way it goes down as the most amazing mother's day I will ever have. Dh was sorry he didn't have a gift after our hell weekend and I told him I already got my gift. One DD was OK and one DD is on the way. How does anything in wrapping paper compare to that?
Let's just say I never thought there'd be a moment where I ever thought I would ever question wanting this child inside of me, but driving to the scene, not knowing whether DSD was alive or dead, just being told she had been badly hit by a car before I headed to the scene, for the second I allowed myself to think the worst, I couldn't even conceive of how you could reconcile having a new child while just losing one. And I know it didn't turn out that way and we're so thankful she's fine, but the whole thing has really shaken me up in ways that are hard to explain. It's taken over a week for things to feel real to me again. I felt like everything flashed before my eyes and that at any moment anyone I love, DD's, DH.... everything could change. And it can anytime, a reality we all know can come true and I am usually more grounded than this but it's put me on the sideline of my own life and I feel like I've just been watching everything from afar like there's something I'm failing to notice as to why this happened, and even more shockingly how the hell she even walked away from this after seeing what the car looked like. A trauma and a miracle all in one confusing package. And maybe I look for too much meaning out of life and should believe that some things are truly random, and even if not, that the message may not have been meant for me but this has me feeling like there's something bigger here than just being thankful she's OK. Or maybe I just truly am a hormonal pregnant woman :P I'm normally much more grounded than this. She is after all, fine.
Either way it goes down as the most amazing mother's day I will ever have. Dh was sorry he didn't have a gift after our hell weekend and I told him I already got my gift. One DD was OK and one DD is on the way. How does anything in wrapping paper compare to that?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Officially in T3 now!
Well I'm officially in T3 now and start going every 2 weeks to the OB!
Mom and I did some shopping at BRU before the appt and I had to get my baby girl fix buying "something" but contained myself to a $7 pack of pink wash clothes (pat on the back). But after looking at strollers again, I've confirmed to myself that I do indeed want to buy one of the most expensive strollers they have (not so good but you have to see this stroller!! :P). I've decided I'd rather get a few great pieces than a whole bunch of crap and I consider a stroller one of the most important purchases since it means some freedom from the house and some hope for my ass. People pay more for Jenny Craig.
I'm measuring right at 28.5w, BP is still great, HR is always around 145-148 and my echo cardiogram came back normal, well normal for having a heart murmur but the pregnancy is having no extra effect on it. I mentioned the BH with trying to exercise and he went from only cautioning to not take up rock climbing last month, to now telling me to take it easy the rest of the pregnancy.... crap. It always feels so rushed in there that I didn't really get a good understanding about when a BH is normal and when it crosses the line.... but he said if I got a few of them in a row, esp. not relieved by relaxing than I need to come in to get checked out. But today, for example, we wandered around shopping and I felt OK but had a BH getting up again a little while ago so did I do too much today then? or is it no big deal cause it was just one that went away when I sat back down. I'm lost. I obviously don't want to do anything to cause problems but I don't want to be unnecessarily sitting around either when you get them anyway. I guess I'll just tread lighter into activity and be happy that it's only 2w now between appts for these questions.
I had the funniest dream last night about my baby girl. I ran into some couple with an older baby that told me while their baby was cute, they couldn't believe how beautiful my baby was. Oh God, it starts already? I woke up laughing cause everyone thinks their kid is the smartest, cutest etc. and I couldn't believe I was dreaming that. Now in fairness to myself, in my dream I thought their baby was really cute and they were being unnecessarily hard on their child but my baby truly was remarkable :). Sadly I can't remember what her face looked like but it was so vivid in the dream.
I've been getting nervous thinking about the reality of this now, not a panic attack, but moments of fear where I think to myself about whether I'm going to be a good mother, be able to handle all that's required of me, what kind of a lifestyle change it'll feel like but they had a bunch of free magazines at the OB office that I stuffed in my purse and once I hit a few photos of newborns, I've been nothing but gushing all night. I can't wait. I sometimes can't believe this is all real.
Mom and I did some shopping at BRU before the appt and I had to get my baby girl fix buying "something" but contained myself to a $7 pack of pink wash clothes (pat on the back). But after looking at strollers again, I've confirmed to myself that I do indeed want to buy one of the most expensive strollers they have (not so good but you have to see this stroller!! :P). I've decided I'd rather get a few great pieces than a whole bunch of crap and I consider a stroller one of the most important purchases since it means some freedom from the house and some hope for my ass. People pay more for Jenny Craig.
I'm measuring right at 28.5w, BP is still great, HR is always around 145-148 and my echo cardiogram came back normal, well normal for having a heart murmur but the pregnancy is having no extra effect on it. I mentioned the BH with trying to exercise and he went from only cautioning to not take up rock climbing last month, to now telling me to take it easy the rest of the pregnancy.... crap. It always feels so rushed in there that I didn't really get a good understanding about when a BH is normal and when it crosses the line.... but he said if I got a few of them in a row, esp. not relieved by relaxing than I need to come in to get checked out. But today, for example, we wandered around shopping and I felt OK but had a BH getting up again a little while ago so did I do too much today then? or is it no big deal cause it was just one that went away when I sat back down. I'm lost. I obviously don't want to do anything to cause problems but I don't want to be unnecessarily sitting around either when you get them anyway. I guess I'll just tread lighter into activity and be happy that it's only 2w now between appts for these questions.
I had the funniest dream last night about my baby girl. I ran into some couple with an older baby that told me while their baby was cute, they couldn't believe how beautiful my baby was. Oh God, it starts already? I woke up laughing cause everyone thinks their kid is the smartest, cutest etc. and I couldn't believe I was dreaming that. Now in fairness to myself, in my dream I thought their baby was really cute and they were being unnecessarily hard on their child but my baby truly was remarkable :). Sadly I can't remember what her face looked like but it was so vivid in the dream.
I've been getting nervous thinking about the reality of this now, not a panic attack, but moments of fear where I think to myself about whether I'm going to be a good mother, be able to handle all that's required of me, what kind of a lifestyle change it'll feel like but they had a bunch of free magazines at the OB office that I stuffed in my purse and once I hit a few photos of newborns, I've been nothing but gushing all night. I can't wait. I sometimes can't believe this is all real.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
28w Pregnancy pics
I've attached my 21w pics below for comparison. I wonder if I subconsciously didn't zoom in to the same level lol.... because it doesn't look too bad but I am definitely much, MUCH bigger now than it appears here. I'll have to retake the photos.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Kicked in the Ribs
On top of being especially active last night, baby girl gave me a good two kicks in the back of my ribs. Hurt like hell for a second but went away surprisingly fast. I didn't think my uterus would quite be up there yet but I don't know what else that pain would have been. Every now and then, she gives me a good hoof in the belly button. It's the only one that is so much stronger than the others and makes me jump and laugh. I'm not sure why, I guess it's just funny to me that something weighing 2lbs in there can keel you over like that. She was fully awake and moving around in there till 1am and I'm thinking to myself, this better not become a habit!! already!!!
I had a dream the other night that she was here, born. It started off odd, my GM had her and was trying to feed her a bottle. I hadn't seen her yet but when I walked up to her, she instantly lit up like she knew who I was and I just took her and started breast feeding her, which sorry... the concept in my mind is kind of gross/weird still at this point, but in my dream it just felt totally natural and I couldn't believe how happy I was. It was incredible.
Last night I had a dream about being in labor. The OB thought I had bronchitis cause of a funny sound in my lung. It wasn't necessarily a good or bad dream but just some anxiety surrounding labor and possible complications that could happen before giving birth. It's still neat to be dreaming about all this now. I was probably dreaming about my lung because of getting kicked earlier.
Still don't have a name sorted out. I was so opinionated when I was first pregnant, really loving Madison, until I found out how ridiculously overused it is now. I guess part of its appeal to me was thinking it was slightly unusual yet strong so this fact makes me hate it now. I think I've OD'd on the baby name books and websites since then and just don't have a thought about it at this point. DH like Scarlett Lauren. It's cute but it don't feel that light shining down from heaven with the music that makes it feel like "the one". Maybe that's too much of an expectation for a name but I just really thought something would hit me at some point as just being right. There's still time.
I had a dream the other night that she was here, born. It started off odd, my GM had her and was trying to feed her a bottle. I hadn't seen her yet but when I walked up to her, she instantly lit up like she knew who I was and I just took her and started breast feeding her, which sorry... the concept in my mind is kind of gross/weird still at this point, but in my dream it just felt totally natural and I couldn't believe how happy I was. It was incredible.
Last night I had a dream about being in labor. The OB thought I had bronchitis cause of a funny sound in my lung. It wasn't necessarily a good or bad dream but just some anxiety surrounding labor and possible complications that could happen before giving birth. It's still neat to be dreaming about all this now. I was probably dreaming about my lung because of getting kicked earlier.
Still don't have a name sorted out. I was so opinionated when I was first pregnant, really loving Madison, until I found out how ridiculously overused it is now. I guess part of its appeal to me was thinking it was slightly unusual yet strong so this fact makes me hate it now. I think I've OD'd on the baby name books and websites since then and just don't have a thought about it at this point. DH like Scarlett Lauren. It's cute but it don't feel that light shining down from heaven with the music that makes it feel like "the one". Maybe that's too much of an expectation for a name but I just really thought something would hit me at some point as just being right. There's still time.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Belly PIcs from 21w4d
Well here they are.... Me at 21w4days pregnant with a baby girl!! I should have taken pics weeks ago. Not sure if I was just being shy or what but I had a burst of energy tonight. Finally.... that "energy" the pregnancy books keep saying I should get back in the 2nd trimester. I hope it lasts. I knew I was showing but I didn't really realize how much till I see it in a picture. Luckily I love the look of a pregnant so I'm truly on freaked out by the thought of labor, mind you the stretch marks have not arrived yet.
Here's a closeup of the belly. Not sure if I'm carrying high or low? I'd say I'm carrying horizontally. Maybe someone can clarify this for me if I invited more than one person to look at my blog (Hi Meg :). My question is if this is how big I am already after 21w, what am I going to look like in another 18???
Friday, March 6, 2009
The Death of Pepperoni Pizza
Well this is my 5th attempt to eat a slice of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.... a Friday night ritual with the kids I used to love and I just can't eat it anymore, not even if I pick the pepperoni off. I've had to start ordering a vegetarian pizza for myself with the wildest stuff on it, one week spinach and feta, the next was green pepper/onion/green olives and this week I tried bruschetta pizza, and even then I'm not all that interested. Goodbye my old love.
20w Ultrasound.....It's a ......
GIRL!!!! DH was right (damn) but actually I was secretly hoping for a little girl. I just thought for whatever reason it would end up being a boy, just from dreams I've had and feeling from the first miscarriage. I actually had a dream prior to going for this u/s that the tech told me it was a girl! but when I told friends and family everyone kept telling me "No Carol, it's going to be a boy, you just wait and see". So I'm paranoid the tech missed "the parts" so my delivery day will still kind of be a surprise after all because that dream has me going enough to make me not entirely certain, but I am just thrilled it is a baby girl for now anyway.The girls called that night at 9pm to see if we found out what we were having. They were so excited it was a girl. It's what they were hoping for too. It was really sweet to hear them cause you always worry about how they'll feel when you're adding a child into a mixed family, whether they are feeling so form of nervousness that we will love this child more.
Now I'm going to have to take that blue bedding back to the home store and BEG them to let me take the pink set if they still have it. It's a final sale and they don't have to do it but I was hoping since I'm taking the same discontinued set in the other color, they'll be nice and let me hopefully.
I've been around a bunch of pregnant people but I just can't get over the feeling when it is actually happening to you. I am just is awe that I have this little person growing inside of me and it became that much more real after my u/s. I didn't post sooner because the girls' mother tried to ruin our special day by yelling at me and DH that evening into the next morning, and I don't want to pollute this post with that story but that is why I'm now writing about it two days later. I was just too upset. Who does that? Tries to take you down on a once in a lifetime day? I will never have that day again and unfortunately she has to be part of that memory. I am beyond disgusted, but I am over it today but so sad that I didn't get to fully revel in my baby girl fully but at least I had 7 hrs with nothing but that wonderful feeling before the drama started and while that was just unbelievable, nothing can take away the feeling of how happy I am and how I feel like everything is just falling into place.
I have a lot of dreams but don't remember them entirely, but last night I was dreaming about my baby and she was really big, like somehow I missed the newborn phase and I was asking my mother if it was normal that she got so big right away. It was kind of funny but I was holding her in my arms and it was amazing. Oh I could go on and on..... it's just a very magical feeling.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Braxton Hicks and Movement
I've been feeling the baby move on and off but for the first time was able to feel it from the outside with my hands. I had been out for a walk Thursday, grocery shopping and then picked up the girls. I felt fine until I went to get out of the truck, and had a cramping sensation the minute my feet hit the ground. It scared the hell out of me at first cause I thought something was wrong but I felt fine once I got in the house and sat down. I had a couple more of these and then realized this must be those Braxton Hicks contractions every talks about.
I took a bath, not for the ctx but because I hadn't showered yet and my stomach just felt wild with new feelings so I pressed my hands firmly to what felt like my rock hard uterus and could feel the baby move. It was so awesome. I just laid there in the bathtub smiling, for the first time.... not caring that it only holds 6" of water.
I took a bath, not for the ctx but because I hadn't showered yet and my stomach just felt wild with new feelings so I pressed my hands firmly to what felt like my rock hard uterus and could feel the baby move. It was so awesome. I just laid there in the bathtub smiling, for the first time.... not caring that it only holds 6" of water.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Banking on a boy
I forgot to write that I bought some crib bedding prematurely. I actually saw this bedding last spring in a home store. I just loved it but sadly didn't have a "reason" to buy it yet and then it was gone. I had been dreaming about a little baby boy and every time I saw this bedding I just felt the most wonderful feeling, but then it was gone and I kind of regretted not buying it while I had the chance, not seeing anything since that I loved as much.So now that I am pregnant I thought I'd ask the store manager on the off chance she remembered the bedding and might still be able to order it in? Well, better than that.... they still had the set in their storage marked down 1/2 price waiting to go out on a summer sale table. Well..... that was just too lucky not to feel like fate so I bought it. Now I just hope it's a boy! But even funnier, the girl tells me as I'm buying this, that they also have a set in pink in the back too. It was everything in me not to buy both sets to cover my bases. It's a final sale item so I'm just waiting to see if I cave and find out the sex next week to know whether I need the other set.
Monday, February 23, 2009
20 days later...
Well I guess that just shows how tired I've been the past couple weeks. It's been 20 days since I've written. It's up and down but by time I catch up on some things, the last thing I've felt like doing is writing.
Winter is depressing me now, as it always does come February. My u/s feels like forever away still and I still don't know if we're finding out the sex. I've started wondering if I should be feeling the baby move more than I have by now and am just generally starting to become antsy waiting for reassurance and grass.
I just feel remarkably blase about everything but this pregnancy, which in itself sometimes feels surreal. I go between wondering if I'm really pregnant, to feeling the reality of the baby moving, to evaluating my life and who this baby's mother really is. It's absolutely amazing when I feel the baby move, but I have to say it also kind of feels like a little alien invader... trying to wrap my head around the fact that there is something independent of me living inside my body sucking nutrients and energy out of me like a little parasite. Except you really love this little parasite.
I'm just feeling blase about not getting out more during the day, not having much ambition for anything, deciding what it is I want to be doing with my life career wise, which obviously takes a back seat for awhile now, but a decision I had been procrastinating on prior to becoming pregnant that I feel is important to reconcile through hobbies, designing and writing so I have more direction. I don't want to be this aimless mother who has nothing but her child as an identity.
I am just busting up waiting for my OB appt and u/s next week... March 4. I am going to drive myself crazy about finding out the sex till then. I probably would except that DH really would like to wait to find out but says it's totally my decision. Damn. I'm 50/50, I see both sides of it. It would be a big thrill after giving birth to be told "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" but I'm not sure that's worth the sacrifice it takes not really being able to have fun shopping ahead of time and the fun you can have with the nursery waiting for the baby to come. Ahhhhh... I hate yellow and green. I have 9 days left to stew about it.
Winter is depressing me now, as it always does come February. My u/s feels like forever away still and I still don't know if we're finding out the sex. I've started wondering if I should be feeling the baby move more than I have by now and am just generally starting to become antsy waiting for reassurance and grass.
I just feel remarkably blase about everything but this pregnancy, which in itself sometimes feels surreal. I go between wondering if I'm really pregnant, to feeling the reality of the baby moving, to evaluating my life and who this baby's mother really is. It's absolutely amazing when I feel the baby move, but I have to say it also kind of feels like a little alien invader... trying to wrap my head around the fact that there is something independent of me living inside my body sucking nutrients and energy out of me like a little parasite. Except you really love this little parasite.
I'm just feeling blase about not getting out more during the day, not having much ambition for anything, deciding what it is I want to be doing with my life career wise, which obviously takes a back seat for awhile now, but a decision I had been procrastinating on prior to becoming pregnant that I feel is important to reconcile through hobbies, designing and writing so I have more direction. I don't want to be this aimless mother who has nothing but her child as an identity.
I am just busting up waiting for my OB appt and u/s next week... March 4. I am going to drive myself crazy about finding out the sex till then. I probably would except that DH really would like to wait to find out but says it's totally my decision. Damn. I'm 50/50, I see both sides of it. It would be a big thrill after giving birth to be told "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" but I'm not sure that's worth the sacrifice it takes not really being able to have fun shopping ahead of time and the fun you can have with the nursery waiting for the baby to come. Ahhhhh... I hate yellow and green. I have 9 days left to stew about it.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Hospital Tour
OMG... what have I gotten myself into!
I just got back from hospital tour and got to see the birthing rooms. I was under the delusion it was going to be so much nicer since the staff raved on about all the new renos and the birthing rooms having a little living room setup and a private bath or shower. Rather than homey, it was more like a nursing home. It just really felt cold and it was just so odd thinking about how this is supposed to be the most special day of your life taking place in a room that makes you feel like you're going to die soon. Now I know why women want home births!
And then, the kicker was that they left me in the room to fill out paperwork and on the wall was a chart that showed the cm of dilation, from 1 to 10cm displayed in individual circles. Now 10cm doesn't seem so impossible when I imagined it on a ruler, but seeing it in a big circle has me traumatized. OMG.... I am going to need stitches. And I was considering NOT getting drugs. That's as bad as when I had a colonoscopy and they wheeled the machine with 100 feet of 2" camera pipe in BEFORE they put me out. Sorry that's all I can say today. I need to go curl up in a ball now.
Monday, January 26, 2009
The non-alcoholic hangover
We had a nice weekend away with staff..... dinner and an overnight stay at an inn followed by brunch in the morning. I got a little heavy into the ice tea during the party so between staying up late with the party and the caffeine disturbing my sleep, I am feeling pretty rough even two days later.While the drinkers have likely all recovered from their hangovers, I seem to still have one.
There are so many things I should be doing today. There is no food in the house, well there is.... but nothing easy to cook and no bread. One cannot live without bread. All my personal items are still in my suitcase, including the much needed toothbrush and deodorant. My dogs would probably appreciate a little stroll outside. My house could use a little freshening up, especially before meeting a Doula here tomorrow. And of course there is that to-do list of items I keep meaning to get around to. All I feel like doing is curling up for another nap, which is probably my best chance at getting anything done later. That or another round of ice tea.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Doppler success
Last night I finally figured out how to use the doppler and found the baby's heartbeat, mind you I am almost out of ultrasound gel in my 3 day attempt. I have the Hi-Bebe doppler which was well rated on the internet and relatively inexpensive considering what they charge you to rent one for several months. Like all humans, I was about to blame it on the stupid device being a piece of #$%@ and send it back, but gave it one last ditched attempt after watching a youtube video where the girl said it took her a half an hour to figure it out but can now reliably detect the heart beat.So with this renewed sense of determination knowing the problem was probably me, I decided to map out a larger area on my abdomen to hunt for the baby. I finally found him/her at the pubic bone with a lovely heart rate around 145. I could feel the anxiety melt away, until I realized that I was attempting all this in our back room which has no curtains and my neighbors might be wondering what that device actually was that I was half shoving down my pants. Oh well, they're semi-retired and probably need something to talk about after 40 years of marriage.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Maternity Clothes Shopping
Well it's official. I am getting larger. But this time I have an excuse.... I'm pregnant!! I went maternity clothes shopping for the first time with my mother. Hello Thyme Maternity!!! I managed to spend $350 in 10 minutes. They had a lot of cute stuff and the most comfortable bra EVER!!!! I mean EVER!!! I've been stuffing myself into my regular bras for too long and the girls were like having their own little party in this bra. It felt like heaven. I was almost sporting the uniboob so I figured it was about time to splurge. The bra was so amazing I made my mother try one on. She ended up getting one too. That's how amazing it was and we talked about it half the way home.
I can't wait to wear my new clothes tomorrow. I almost thought they had some kind of special effects mirror cause everything looked so good on, until I tried on a bathing suit and then I realized it truly was just some fine tailoring.
I try not to be one of those women that always goes on about her weight but after trying on a bathing suit, mid-winter at that, I am allowed this one day of whining. If I have my way, I'm going to undo the middle tire and replace it with a baby. Is this possible? I'm hoping to kind of even out, trade the 30lbs of fat for 30lbs of baby stuff. Either way I'm just entering back into the healthy lifestyle I used to have before spending my days this close to the fridge. Wish me luck... but for now I have my new sexy moma clothes to make me feel good.
I can't wait to wear my new clothes tomorrow. I almost thought they had some kind of special effects mirror cause everything looked so good on, until I tried on a bathing suit and then I realized it truly was just some fine tailoring.
I try not to be one of those women that always goes on about her weight but after trying on a bathing suit, mid-winter at that, I am allowed this one day of whining. If I have my way, I'm going to undo the middle tire and replace it with a baby. Is this possible? I'm hoping to kind of even out, trade the 30lbs of fat for 30lbs of baby stuff. Either way I'm just entering back into the healthy lifestyle I used to have before spending my days this close to the fridge. Wish me luck... but for now I have my new sexy moma clothes to make me feel good.
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