My Blood Pressure is What?!?!?

At my OB appt Wed. June 10, I was 34.5 weeks when my BP was in the 150/90's and was sent for a Non-stress test (NST) that Sat. June 13.

Forum STILL down ?!??!

OK.... what gives with Ovusoft? It's one thing if I don't make it there often lately but completely another that I CAN'T go there. That's a ridiculous amount of time for an outage. Yah sure all the journals are safe as you take 3 weeks to try to recover them. Hallelujah for blogspot!

I started painting the nursery yesterday. What a thrill!! I mean it. What a thrill! I hated the wall color in that room to begin with and now it's getting me all excited for the changes coming ahead. I got myself some no VOC paint and the color is perfect.... a rich antique looking cream. I know I'm a little crazy waiting till I'm 33.5w pregnant to start but hey. I'll have no problem occupying myself now for the next 6w. I will admit now I wish I started it sooner and just hope I don't really regret not resting more before the baby comes.But I tend to be more productive and decisive in a time crunch. This way I won't take 10w and 5 trips to Toronto to decide on drapes, I'll just go get some. I probably wouldn't have been done the nursery till 38w weeks whether I started it now or 3 months ago anyway lol....

We're finally getting some nice weather again so I turned on the pool heater today. Yeah! And my stroller is being shipped to me as we speak. I bought the Bugaboo Frog in the sand color. It was a lot of money but I think it's worth it because I will use the bassinet as a co-sleeper which would have cost me another $200 to buy separately.... part of the logic I dumped on my husband to justify the price. I think the poor guy realizes he should just say yes and end the hours of conversation that will ensue in my crazy justification of these high end baby items. That's how I think I got the Bloom High Chair. He didn't even want to talk about it and said to just buy it. Now the logic on that one is that we eat at our kitchen island all the time and it's one of the only high chairs that can be raised to counter height AND you can use it till the kid is 3-4 years old as a booster seat but I'm not even sure if I got to finish my sentence before he just said to buy it. Poor guy. I'm really not a high maintenance bitch ALL the time. It's just if I have to look at some stupid high chair for the next couple years in our main living area, it needs to be nice and our child will want to be able to sit up as high as the rest of us. Sadly though, even I can't justify that Pottery Barn crib. There's just no logic behind a $1500 crib with no mattress. Sigh.

I dropped the Pottery Barn Catalogue in the Toilet

I dropped the Pottery Barn Catalogue in the toilet by accident this morning. Is that a sign? I'm still laughing. I was starting to re-evaluate whether I should just buy that crib I love so much since it does make a gorgeous head board after. Crib shopping has been the thorn in my ass because I either find them all cheap, not attractive enough for the money they want or so gorgeous but insanely expensive.

I was also looking at used cribs online and was going to view some of them in Toronto but my truck wouldn't start yesterday. I had to have it towed to the shop and am waiting to find out what's wrong with it. Another sign? at least not to get the cherry one in King City that I would have gone to see last night.

I'm going to drive myself nuts before this baby comes. I'm afraid of new cribs that might be have future recalls or horrible glues, paints and fiber board off-gassing in the room and I'm afraid of the used ones and buying a crib that isn't up to today's safety standards. Is this kid supposed to be driving me insane with worry already? It's just a crib for Christ's sake but I feel like I'm buying a death trap for all the horror stories out there about crib deaths. I mind as well just forget the nursery and buy my husband a new bed for his new room cause the baby will be sleeping with me.

I better go order myself another PB catalogue online before I'm tempted to view my old one when it dries lol..... The stuff is just too cute in there. I was only walking past the toilet so my obsession with that PB crib is not AS bad as you might think.

And yes, I need to get some photos on here! People tell me how great I look for being so far along so I'll be curious to see the comparison from 28w. That feels wonderful to hear and makes being pregnant that much better.... I look how good? lol.... And you realize how ridiculous you've been for 20 years always trying to suck your stomach in around people when for the first time in my life I can just let it all hang loose with the baby belly. It's been wonderful!


Update:
You can't order a Pottery Barn catalogue online in Canada. Hmmmm.

Mother's Day

Ah, I can't write this post yet. I'm feeling better but trying to talk about the accident still makes me kind of emotional. I think I'm just starting to feel grounded after it all so it's probably a good idea not to tip the scale too much.

Let's just say I never thought there'd be a moment where I ever thought I would ever question wanting this child inside of me, but driving to the scene, not knowing whether DSD was alive or dead, just being told she had been badly hit by a car before I headed to the scene, for the second I allowed myself to think the worst, I couldn't even conceive of how you could reconcile having a new child while just losing one. And I know it didn't turn out that way and we're so thankful she's fine, but the whole thing has really shaken me up in ways that are hard to explain. It's taken over a week for things to feel real to me again. I felt like everything flashed before my eyes and that at any moment anyone I love, DD's, DH.... everything could change. And it can anytime, a reality we all know can come true and I am usually more grounded than this but it's put me on the sideline of my own life and I feel like I've just been watching everything from afar like there's something I'm failing to notice as to why this happened, and even more shockingly how the hell she even walked away from this after seeing what the car looked like. A trauma and a miracle all in one confusing package. And maybe I look for too much meaning out of life and should believe that some things are truly random, and even if not, that the message may not have been meant for me but this has me feeling like there's something bigger here than just being thankful she's OK. Or maybe I just truly am a hormonal pregnant woman :P I'm normally much more grounded than this. She is after all, fine.

Either way it goes down as the most amazing mother's day I will ever have. Dh was sorry he didn't have a gift after our hell weekend and I told him I already got my gift. One DD was OK and one DD is on the way. How does anything in wrapping paper compare to that?

Officially in T3 now!

Well I'm officially in T3 now and start going every 2 weeks to the OB!

Mom and I did some shopping at BRU before the appt and I had to get my baby girl fix buying "something" but contained myself to a $7 pack of pink wash clothes (pat on the back). But after looking at strollers again, I've confirmed to myself that I do indeed want to buy one of the most expensive strollers they have (not so good but you have to see this stroller!! :P). I've decided I'd rather get a few great pieces than a whole bunch of crap and I consider a stroller one of the most important purchases since it means some freedom from the house and some hope for my ass. People pay more for Jenny Craig.

I'm measuring right at 28.5w, BP is still great, HR is always around 145-148 and my echo cardiogram came back normal, well normal for having a heart murmur but the pregnancy is having no extra effect on it. I mentioned the BH with trying to exercise and he went from only cautioning to not take up rock climbing last month, to now telling me to take it easy the rest of the pregnancy.... crap. It always feels so rushed in there that I didn't really get a good understanding about when a BH is normal and when it crosses the line.... but he said if I got a few of them in a row, esp. not relieved by relaxing than I need to come in to get checked out. But today, for example, we wandered around shopping and I felt OK but had a BH getting up again a little while ago so did I do too much today then? or is it no big deal cause it was just one that went away when I sat back down. I'm lost. I obviously don't want to do anything to cause problems but I don't want to be unnecessarily sitting around either when you get them anyway. I guess I'll just tread lighter into activity and be happy that it's only 2w now between appts for these questions.

I had the funniest dream last night about my baby girl. I ran into some couple with an older baby that told me while their baby was cute, they couldn't believe how beautiful my baby was. Oh God, it starts already? I woke up laughing cause everyone thinks their kid is the smartest, cutest etc. and I couldn't believe I was dreaming that. Now in fairness to myself, in my dream I thought their baby was really cute and they were being unnecessarily hard on their child but my baby truly was remarkable :). Sadly I can't remember what her face looked like but it was so vivid in the dream.

I've been getting nervous thinking about the reality of this now, not a panic attack, but moments of fear where I think to myself about whether I'm going to be a good mother, be able to handle all that's required of me, what kind of a lifestyle change it'll feel like but they had a bunch of free magazines at the OB office that I stuffed in my purse and once I hit a few photos of newborns, I've been nothing but gushing all night. I can't wait. I sometimes can't believe this is all real.

28w Pregnancy pics

I've attached my 21w pics below for comparison. I wonder if I subconsciously didn't zoom in to the same level lol.... because it doesn't look too bad but I am definitely much, MUCH bigger now than it appears here. I'll have to retake the photos.

Kicked in the Ribs

On top of being especially active last night, baby girl gave me a good two kicks in the back of my ribs. Hurt like hell for a second but went away surprisingly fast. I didn't think my uterus would quite be up there yet but I don't know what else that pain would have been. Every now and then, she gives me a good hoof in the belly button. It's the only one that is so much stronger than the others and makes me jump and laugh. I'm not sure why, I guess it's just funny to me that something weighing 2lbs in there can keel you over like that. She was fully awake and moving around in there till 1am and I'm thinking to myself, this better not become a habit!! already!!!

I had a dream the other night that she was here, born. It started off odd, my GM had her and was trying to feed her a bottle. I hadn't seen her yet but when I walked up to her, she instantly lit up like she knew who I was and I just took her and started breast feeding her, which sorry... the concept in my mind is kind of gross/weird still at this point, but in my dream it just felt totally natural and I couldn't believe how happy I was. It was incredible.

Last night I had a dream about being in labor. The OB thought I had bronchitis cause of a funny sound in my lung. It wasn't necessarily a good or bad dream but just some anxiety surrounding labor and possible complications that could happen before giving birth. It's still neat to be dreaming about all this now. I was probably dreaming about my lung because of getting kicked earlier.

Still don't have a name sorted out. I was so opinionated when I was first pregnant, really loving Madison, until I found out how ridiculously overused it is now. I guess part of its appeal to me was thinking it was slightly unusual yet strong so this fact makes me hate it now. I think I've OD'd on the baby name books and websites since then and just don't have a thought about it at this point. DH like Scarlett Lauren. It's cute but it don't feel that light shining down from heaven with the music that makes it feel like "the one". Maybe that's too much of an expectation for a name but I just really thought something would hit me at some point as just being right. There's still time.